


the only one

by allstars



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Fluff and Angst, Gay Steve Rogers, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 10:34:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18892891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allstars/pseuds/allstars
Summary: "'till my last breath, you will be the only one in my mind. I always knew that I loved you," Steve says, staring at Bucky. He gasps for air and takes his hand. "— and i still do, Buck. I just wish the lord could take me later, so I could give you the life I wanted you to live."





	the only one

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know. im sad. i apologise in advance and that's it. long live for stucky btw.

It was time. Steve was so weak he couldn't even breath alone, attached to all those machines keeping him alive. When Bucky's heart ached, he knew. But he didn't wanted to let Steve go. He just didn't.

A friendly nurse came to call him right away, the sad smile on her face telling what he feared two seconds ago. Steve wanted to talk to Bucky, one last time. A _goodbye_.

At first, he didn't move. He didn't wanted to, simple as that. You can't just say goodbye to the love of your life, that's just insane, ridiculous, he thought. He forced himself to stand up though, walking to Steve's room like a man walks to his death sentence. No life left on his body.

That changed when he saw Steve. Ah, his Stevie. The smile he gave to Bucky, like he was... God, like he was the fucking sun coming to warm his skin after a long winter, like Bucky was the best thing on earth to him. God knows James felt like this about him. So he just smiled back and sat closer to Steve's bed.

"Hey, punk," Bucky said, his fingers running through what was left of hair in his lovers head.

"J-jerk." Steve smiled again. It was like all he could do was smile around Bucky. That was one of the things he loved the most about him.

"I was kinda hoping you would stay around a little more," James said, looking right in his eyes. Steve looked away.

"God knows I don't want to be put on ice again, Buck," he laughed. "I..." He stopped, like he was thinking about what to say. He looked back at Bucky's eyes. "I knew our serum wouldn't last forever."

"I can't do this, Stevie. It should be me. I should've died first. The things I did-"

"You didn't. Bucky. Buck." Steve paused, breathing a little. His hands, now covered in wrinkles, touched Bucky's hand softly. He didn't have strength to do much more, so Bucky took it. Steve smiled, silently thanking him.

"You are the best person I know," Steve started over. "You did what you had to do. And then..." Steve coughed a little, and used his other free hand to touch Bucky's metal arm. "This. Wasn't you. I wish you could understand it.

"I hope too."

"Promise me. Promise me you will stop... punishing yourself."

Bucky just sat there in silence, looking at everywhere but Steve's eyes. He squeezed his hands gently.

"Buck."

"I promise. I'll try." Steve's smile brightened up again. He opened his arms and Bucky instantly got up to hug him, holding himself like hell trying not to cry and failing as soon as his chin met Steve's chest.

They sat there for what seemed to be like forever, Bucky crying on Steve's arms like the world was going to end, but the world _was_ going to end, his world, and the very idea of living without him felt like a hundred knives chopped against his heart, and he was out of breath now, and he couldn't stand it, it was too much, too fucking much.

Next thing Bucky knew he was standing again, wipping his tears away facing a scared Steve, probably because of the scene he just made, so he tried so damn hard to hold still and be quiet, but honest to God he wanted to leave this world before seeing Steve go.

"Sorry," he whispered, sitting down.

"You know, I was never really afraid to die." Steve said out of nowhere, a minute later. That brought Bucky's attention right to him.

"Of course not. You got in so many fights with those huge guys, like you were the healthiest kid on the city." Bucky said, and they both laughed.

"But I'm only here because of you. Because you took care of me when no one didn't even bothered," Steve whispered, but there was no secret there. Bucky did it because he loved him. People take care of what they love, right?

"I did it because I love you," Bucky finally said, seconds later. A tear fell from Steve's eyes and James wiped it, kissing his cheek. "For many people, you are Captain America. But for me you are just my Stevie. I would do anything to keep you safe. Anything."

"I love you, Buck. Honest to God, I never loved anything like I love you." That made Bucky cry again. Not because he didn't knew, of course he did. He could feel Steve's love and it made him glow like the goddamn sun. Bucky didn't feel like he was worthy it, but he knew.

"I went there and I tried, I r-really... did. I tried to live without you. That was... absolutely ridiculous, because I'm nothing without you. There's nothing left in me without you, Buck. Nothing."

Bucky knew what he was talking about. When everyone thought he was dead, after he literally flipped through Steve's fingers and fell into darkness, everyone had to move on. But he didn't died, and Hydra turned him into a fucking ghost, a cold blooded killer with no soul until Steve found him again and brought him back to life. It's him , always him to bring him back.

He didn't know what to say, because when he thinks about Steve he wants to explode. The feeling he has, the love, the joy, all the motherfucking joy he feels with him, this have no logical explanation, and he can't just say he loves him again because Steve knows damn well he does, he better do. Everyone does.

"'till my last breath, you will be the only one in my mind. I always knew that i loved you," Steve says, staring at bucky. He gasps for air and takes his hand. "— and I still do, Buck. I just wish the lord could take me later, so I could give you the life I wanted you to live. Take away all those bad memories and turn them into distant ones."

There's no response to that. Steve always made him numb, out of words. But Bucky managed to say one more thing, just to be sure.

"I lived the life that I wanted, Steve, because you were in it. And that's enough for me. Always will be, no matter what."


End file.
